March Fadness


Ok, so the NCAA tournament has officially started.  Have you found your local sports bar to take that “3 hour lunch” Thursday or Friday?  Or perhaps you’ve told the boss you have a “doctor’s appointment around 12:30PM that might run long, and I’ll probably get stuck in traffic afterwards.”  Now that you’re at the bar for the balance of the day, take a look around.  Here are some people you will definitely spot at the bar:

fans at bar

  1. The Band Wagoner. This is the category most of you will fall into, but won’t admit it. This is the guy from Little Rock, Arkansas who is somehow a die hard Duke fan.  He’s never been to Durham, and odds are he has never left the state of Arkansas.  These fans subscribe to the theory, “go big program or go home”.   So memo to Duke, UNC, Kansas, and Kentucky – it’s March, you’re gonna need a bigger wagon.
  2. Cinderella Man. There are fans that tune into March Madness for one reason and one reason only UPSETS. They have “12 Seed” tattoo’d on their bicep because that represents everything to them.  Underdogs make March.  Who wants a Kansas/UNC Semi-Final when we can get Middle Tennessee State/Creighton!  Be weary of this fan, as once the big dogs eliminate Cinderella, they turn into The Band Wagoner.  “Go Heels!”
  3. The Homer/Diehard.  These are the real fans, because they bought a $30 team jersey, which came with a free bag of delusion. We all know die hard Duke fan who has them winning the tournament every single year, no matter what.  But, Xavier guy, let’s dial it down a notch.  Putting your team in the national title game vs Kansas is a bit rich.  Let’s be honest, it’s really the same 6-7 programs every year that have a legit shot.  The rest of these schools fall under the “just happy to make it” category.
  4. Nerd Fan.  See that guy in the bar with his computer?!  He’s not doing homework, he’s a bracketologist, and hasn’t had a date in 3 years.  Soon as he walks in the bar he doesn’t ask for a beer, he asks for the wifi passcode.  The app on the phone isn’t good enough.  He needs to send a message to other patrons, “I’m more serious about this than you are, so back away from the table.”  He’s convinced the algorithm him and his friends created will guarantee him victory in his dorm room tournament pool.

Now go look in the bathroom mirror at the bar.  Which fan are you?  Maybe the die hard homer of a Cinderella team?  Now grab some paper towels to wipe that wing sauce off your laptop….

Written by Aaron Ernest





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