Can Lavar Ball?

We all have that one family member that shows up at every family function and is the most embarrassing person ever, but you still love them.  Insert Lavar Ball. The loud mouth, arrogant, and at times, hilarious father of the Ball brothers. Despite that loud mouth of his, he seems to have raised genuine kids that are very good at basketball.  If you have missed any of Lavar Ball’s outlandish comments, allow me to enlighten you with with my five favorite moments:

  1. “All 3 of my boys are one and done.” He believes that all his kids will attend UCLA for one year and then take their talents to the NBA.  I’m guessing the only person more thrilled about this than Lavar, is UCLA head coach Steve Alford, who can’t get Mr.Ball out of his life fast enough.  
  2. “That’s our number, a billion, straight out the gate.” He expects a billion dollar endorsement deal for his kids!  Ok, settle down, after all, he has already told shoe companies he’s willing to only take a measly $100million up front and you can discuss the rest later.
  3. “Lonzo will be better for the Lakers than Magic” As a life long Lakers fan, I wish I could take this seriously.   Lonzo has a better chance of being better for the Magic in Orlando, than the one they call Earvin.  If he is anything close to the Hall of Famer, it would be magical. (I had to)
  4. “Put Lonzo on Golden State and Steph on UCLA and see what happens.” Yes he went there.  And no, we’re not doing this.  According to Lavar, his son is the best player on the planet because apparently he’s better than a guy with back to back MVP awards and first ever unanimous MVP of the NBA on his resume.  Although, it would be fun to see Steph Curry roll through the Pac-12 like a hot knife through butter.
  5. “I would kill Michael Jordan one-on-one.” I would kill Michael Jordan one-on-one.”  Sorry.  I had to write that out twice to make sure there isn’t a “B” as the middle initial.  Nope, he’s not talking about the actor.  Mr. Ball, quit sniffing glue and back away from the microphones.  If you can beat Michael Jordan, than I can jump off the moon and land on Staples Center.

Let’s have a closer look at Lavar’s career numbers. I promise this won’t take long.  At traditional basketball powerhouse Washington State (said no one), hoop legend Lavar Ball averaged an astounding 2.2ppg, 1.0ast and 2.0 rebounds in 26 games played.   But I did hear he ran the floor well.  These numbers don’t impress you? Well i’m sure in Lavar’s alternate reality these numbers are better than Russell Westbrook averaging a triple double so far this NBA season.  I think we all know he was not very talented on the court and that’s me being nice.  Actually this loud mouth was trash.  Absolutely garbage!  I’ll give him this – he’s obviously a decent coach because his three boys can play.  Hopefully he never shuts up because for now he is must see TV, as long as that TV doesn’t involve him playing basketball.  You couldn’t pay me to watch this man play basketball on television.  Ironically, with everything coming out of his mouth, I’d rather spend my time watching fake news…

Written by Aaron Ernest

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